Tuesday, April 14, 2009

M back here.. =]

Well 2 days have went by? Still cannot get over the matter =( Everywhere i go, juz so much memories of it, walking down e aisle, streets and rivers... *sigh*

Went to Zirca ytd night due to some1, though my stomach wasn't feeling very good. Suddenly out of no where, it was cramp! And upon reaching into the place... I was scolded by him... come club dun dance.. come for what.. =/ Well wat to do, my stomach wasn't that well, hardly can I walk, but still manage to go in..
and sat for awhile to let it recover.. Dun dare touch alcohol ytd night, took fruit punch instead.. wanted to stay ON.. but some1 juz can't be bothered with me, thus leaving e club with a heavy heart. =(

Today at work, not much customers and stuff.. plus due to my hand injury, let my colleague did pizza station instead, i went to other station. hand still kinda hurt pretty bad.. but no choice, brought it upon myselfi guess. sigh

Anyway gotta go.. =] Hmm to that some1 if u r reading this... Well i still misses u alot though im cold on e outside.. =( I also dunno wat to do.. deep inside me is a turmoil to me.. nitez

| thX to e loRd for everything and god BLESS u.. =) ameN! |
BaldoviN signinG oFF.. =D

IT doeS proVE thaT i exisT...BaldoviN
00:54

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Mr Bloggie, M back here to update... hmm LONG LONG TIME nvr UPDATE SIA!! A month plus.. sorry ppl who r reading this blog..=( Neglected this blog for a long long time..

Anyway Yup, a change in song.. guess people who hang out ard me recently will know what really happen and well this name was given to me by some1 special..=( some1 that i have been trying to be with for past 1 month, no matter how hard i try, things is juz not progressing.. I know u r trying to forget some1 which u have been trying hard to let go but u did not... But is true that a relationship takes 2 hands to clap.. =( So guess i gotta let it go some how no matter how much i m unwilling to. bcoz he has alrdy let it go.. =( Cruel as it may be but guess things have come to this stage and for him to make a decision. Wondering why on his mind, he have a feeling that he has mistreated me.. but on my side.. he nvr did it.. when together, i was happy.. =] Nvr once sad or being felt let down.. All e surprised one can give, Was touched by all e actions. Being meticulous and sweet, caring for everything.
Bought me earsticks when i nvr say much things abt it. Pick me up from my workplace when i knock off. OR when free during my break time, he will be down. When i scald my hand by e pizza.. some1 being so uptight and insisted that i see a doctor no matter how much i refuse.. in e end bought a burnt lotion for me.. All these was really nice and sweet of this person.. =( Last of all WHY E sudden PERFUME?!?!?! And is my favourite perfume. A surprise that i nvr expected it at all.. =( I m really happy for things that this person has done. I will juz wait for u no matter how long it will takes.. =( Fallen for u too much. ='( Juz wan me to let go so that i will feel better? is juZ too HARD! Fancy u cannot even let go of it and how can I even do it? I will juz wait no matter how long it takes.. i know deep in ur heart some1 is still embedded deep inside.. juz gotta wait.

Enuff of sad stuff ba.. =( So far attachment for me has been alright. Juz that my hand gt scalded pretty bad by e pizza.. =( painful and hot. 3 blistter popping out which some has saw.. VRY BIG.. =x and ER XIN! LOLx.

Good Friday, I went to visit my mum's grave once again.. Somehow i dunno why memories flashback again.. 3 yrs since she was gone, and i have not let go of it.. i cried again. Sigh..

Suddenly juz dunno wat to write...=( Hope things do get better.

| thX to e loRd for everything and god BLESS u.. =) ameN! |
BaldoviN signinG oFF.. =D

IT doeS proVE thaT i exisT...BaldoviN
15:04

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Well m back here again.. once again u know wat kinda post m gonna post..=/ Well e standard emo-ish post..

Hmm juz dunno why ba.. today i juz felt so dwn and low plus rather emo-ish...

Firtsly.. at work is juz so stress with my italian chef barking around and making his pressence known.. which juz pisses people off actually. Things that he can do his own.. but nvr wanna do.. all along is juz bossing people around.. GRR!!!

Next issue well.. guess is time i have to say, i juz wanna give up hope on these grp already.. No point to keep trying to hold on to things that juz will not be united.. no matter how much u tried.. it juz keep breaking.. All leading their own personal lives.. and stuff, one tat juz DUN bother REPLYing My SMS.., one that goes into e clubbing scene, e other, busy working and earning money, which really not much time plus gt his own friends.. e rest, nothing much to comment on.. except these main people... So well i decided to juz give up on this group bcoz no point all of them is leading their own lives.. when to me some are vry important people to me... =( My only group of friends that juz goes down to the drain after one yr of close friendship... and it just breaks off.. Maybe is my fault? *m really wondering*

Lastly, well this kinda dunno whether it concerns u actually, but i juz wanna spend alot of my time with u..sacrificing some of my time to be with u.. but on one hand a fear that makes u feel irritated and stuff that im very sticky.. and intruding into ur personal life... somehow though u gave me all ur assurance, but i still feel insecured.. and so many thigns i juz wanna tell u, however i do not know how to put it into words.. thus can only do it in actions... and at times there are things i juz meant in opposite meaning..

do not really know wat to write... bcoz too many thoughts are on my mind.. but for sure one thing is the group is gonna break... NiteZ

| thX to e loRd for everything and god BLESS u.. =) ameN! |
BaldoviN signinG oFF.. =D

IT doeS proVE thaT i exisT...BaldoviN
00:06

Monday, February 02, 2009

OK... woot 1 month since i blog already..=x this time i blog is an update to my health bcoz i am spammed by smses asking how am I.. =] so to save my sms, here's an update ba...

Well since december, i have been having gastric.. which actually leads to diarrhoea.. and decided to see e doctor. Thus after like 1 mth which it nvr recover, thus seeing another doctor till january. But after recovering from my gastirc, i realise that there's still one problem that actually persist which is blood in stool. I was wondering why so decided to go seek doctor once more, thus refered to specialist..
so now e prob which is i haVe piles.. thats why it causes bleed but for more details as in why they ask me go for colonoscopy bcoz my piles are juz too small to cause bleeding... =/

So well TODAY is e day i went for colonoscopy and of all places, is at NCC, National Cancer Centre. =( why is due to e fact that it brings back memory of me and my mum when i brought her there for her checkup and stuff few years back. Looking at e cancer patients there i juz felt so sad. Reminding myself of my mum e way she suffered yrs back.. sigh. E painful and pale look that they carry, weak. *sob*
Ok.. not sidetrack.. so i was told to change into e so called gown there..and wait.. When it was my turn, was happy yet scared.. E thing is that when e tube went in, it was alright.. is pretty painless BUT just as i thought i can relax and juz watch on e screen in my intestine. TO MY ASTONISHMENT, when e thing went DEEPER is JUZ SO PAINFUl...that i scream in pain and nearly cried..=(
So when all was done.. was kinda relief actually...

But lets just say before colonoscopy u need to do this thing called BOWLE preparation and is like gosh u can only eat porridge for whole day..etc and when u take medication, it cramped up ur whole intestine..=/

So when all things out.. result is i may have rectum infection... which doc gives me antibiotic.. which last 2 weeks.. =( and den test result...etc also need wait 2 weeks... so well so far i also dunno wats wrong... but lets juz wait and see for result... =)

Today a pretty happy day for me la.. at home rest eat, slp.. =D miss those days alot.. and evening of course went out with my 2 little bro to eat and chit chat.. =) miss those days actually.. gRR.. i wanna be FREE again..=(
Now gtg rest le.. tml workinG...=/

| thX to e loRd for everything and god BLESS u.. =) ameN! |
BaldoviN signinG oFF.. =D

IT doeS proVE thaT i exisT...BaldoviN
17:05

Thursday, January 08, 2009

What a day today..=( and maybe a yr to begin with also.. =/ Getting myself hurt at e start of the year? hMM.. is YR 2009 not 2007 Getting myself hurt at e start of the year is not going to affect me!! *i Hope so* =x

Anyway wat happen was that tdy EARLY MORNING.. i receive a news.. sigh affected me badly.. =/ a 1 week stuff..and wat a ending..=( initially did not wanna fall into that pool and in e end.. i still fell into the pool.. liking a bi is always so hurting when u already know e ending...yet u still wanna plunge into e pool.. Forever a silly dolphine... is true that letting go is e best way coz u still like the person but is always EASIER said than DONE! U wan e person to be happy BuT u urself is being hurt, is it fair? Truth is nothing is fair but what can we do? I wanted to avoid the call but is just so hard.. i have to pick up and ans e phone as if nothing has happen but deep down a bleeding heart. In my mind, kinda lots of things just flash pass, and me with my favourite Place.. YET also e most hurtful place always.. since YR 07 but yr 08 have always avoided e place for some reason i try to be happy and thus able to let go of it.. BUT NOW IS BACK..=( I wonder why is fate always like this.. *sigh*
I know my voice is cold to u.. however i have no choice =( I do not wish to do that but thats me. I am really Sorry but this blog song is to u.

OK!! Now is Update of work stuffs. Still as usual i m still working and hoping to complete my attachment asap..=( bcoz i cannot stand e outlet chef (xiao bai) he's super irritating.. always disturb me.. i still remember me and e other trainee.. comparing both our rank.. we are trainee but e thing is when e other trainee on MC, xiao bai dun grumble so much whereas for me, he grumble like nobody business, saying i fake my illness..etc when all my colleagues know i have not recover.. what a jerk! However i will not let him climb over my head!!! I m juz a trainee not a full time staff for goodness sake, and well i will stand up for myself.. =) meanwhile today i dunno wat to do.. juz coloured my hair recently, wanna tan but unable..=( sian maybe shop for new yr clothes? argH CNY is juz round the corner..=( and for sure my CNY is burn off at work. =( sob sob

Thats all i gotta say, gastric is slowly acting up.. better go grab my breakfast

back to update whole day event... =x kinda bo liao but well.. somehow i m still trying to get over something.. affected me that i juz dun feel like going out and whole day was juz at home..=( den only went out to have supper with a friend, and den home again... well but one achievement... =D i clean up my table today.. after mths and mths of piling manZ!!! GOSH!! now table is alot neater..=D

| thX to e loRd for everything and god BLESS u.. =) ameN! |
BaldoviN signinG oFF.. =D

IT doeS proVE thaT i exisT...BaldoviN
08:58

Friday, December 19, 2008

WOO HOO!! m back to update my blog...

Can uz say... last 2 weeks of my work really sux like hell and creepy manZ!! First is my Exec Chef... next is my outlet chef... REALLLY pissed with that 2 ITALIANOS!!

First abt the exec chef.. his expectation is so HIGH LOR!!! wat more u expect on a trainee lor... open a pizza dough so perfect that have no holeS??

Next is e STUPID NEW chef which is an italian oso...=.= come here dun do any work.. juz PSP and smoke, eat and drink.. wtf...leave all e job to me.. and u expect a kitchen to be one man show? is all IMPOSSIBLE LOR!!!
PLUS the management in this company sux la...

First of all... ask u this questions... An Exec Chef only is IN CHARGE of kitchen operations... right? so in any case... why does he have right to meddle and oso fire ppl frm e service side... so wat is an operation manager for? From what we all know... unless u are an F&B manager...i gt nth to say.. but well tat incident i mention..ALWAYS HAPPEN!! BIG problem manz..=.=

OK enough of work issues...
Somehow i just need to get used to working life... =( i missed out so MUCH fun after working manz.. sob sob... no club no tanning, no beach life... all those life me wan? not referin to aj clubs... but well a normal guy life... e life tat me wan... coz i m juz happy to be of scene for so long.. =D thx to some ppl tat got me out of it... like Vid...=D thank thank u...=)

I shall just tolerate all these and enjoy all this after evrything... meanwhile juz focus on earning money ba..=( *sob sob*

And for e past 1 week i m juz having problem with my gastric tat i took an MC last sat but end up ah... e medication i ate like help gastric and me eating well.. but my diarrhoea does not goes awy.. :( have been running to toilet after evry meal... and waking up in e middle of e night to juz visit e loo... sigh... that just SUX... and hope i can recover soon... =/

| thX to e loRd for everything and god BLESS u.. =) ameN! |
BaldoviN signinG oFF.. =D

IT doeS proVE thaT i exisT...BaldoviN
13:54

Friday, December 05, 2008

Have been contemplating should i blog today... and guess i have no choice but once again i shall juz pen my thoughts dwn here... Hopefully some1 will be reading this ba...

Honestly 1 week without ur morning call, and stuffs, u being with me, i m not used to this wierd feeling, some how i do miss u... :( ask me why i wanna end this with u? E ans is actually lies within myself... ur guts is actually right that things i m hiding... not bcoz i have fallen for some1 but i have fear in myself that i m not a good bf afterall... somethings do happen and stuff... and once being pressurized, i tend to end it.. escaping from the problem..

It still does not get over me after so many years.. deep dwn, there's juz a scar left by some1 that i juz lost so much so much things... that i m sry to hurt u.. i guess is not only u, i have hurt... sry to the sky, to hhog, to waterdragon? this 3 DAMN good ppl i have came across this yr..

For work.. m juz getting too STRESSED.. =( somehow i wanna tell u abt my work, but i have lost e person, no one to pick me up, to go for dinner? to talk abt alot of things... silly boi i m forever is.. and a jerk after so many scolding and nagging by some1... till a certain point i dun dare to approach u at times coz this person, i m afraid will be pissed with me coz u knew me too long and juz give up hope on me... and thus i juz lost everything.. i dun wan all these to happen again...=(

Lack of sleep this week... really gotta catch some rest and juz let things be e way it is ba... falling sick myself.. sigh but who cares... juz felt like crying somehow... while writing this blog.. but that particular person will not believe oso... but i do miss u... niteZ dolphinE

| thX to e loRd for everything and god BLESS u.. =) ameN! |
BaldoviN signinG oFF.. =D

IT doeS proVE thaT i exisT...BaldoviN
00:19